Happy Birthday Tobi!

Tobi turned 9 today.

I told him if he's ever in the U.S. for his birthday, he'll be able to celebrate it on the 15th & the 16th. Why? He was born at 4 a.m. on the 16th in Nigeria which was 10 p.m. on the 15th in the U.S.!

Tobi opened some gifts from the family early this morning. I have found a creative alternative to wrapping gifts: I just pop the gifts into colorful cloth bags made by the Women of Hope. This really cuts down on wrapping time (took me about 2 min.) and they can be recycled through numerous birthdays.

After church Bayo and the kids took a birthday cake to Bezer Home to share with the kids there. They all loved that.

For the past couple weeks I tried to convince Tobi to have a small party with just 3-4 friends, but he really wanted to invite his whole class plus some others. I acquiesed--hopefully for the last time. The kids weren't bad, but when you put about a dozen 8-10 year old boys together, the result is generally chaotic.

The biggest miracle of the day was that it DID NOT rain!! In August we have a 95% chance of having a downpour at 3 p.m. I knew an outdoor party would preserve my sanity. However, I did have Plan B which would have been a video inside.

Even though we didn't have rain, the kids sure did get wet--from super soakers and water balloons. We even got out the 3-man-slingshot. We have never used it on our compound before because it really packs a lot of power. I had the kids lay on the ground and aim their water balloons straight up. They had a lot of fun trying to catch them on the way down.

Later in the evening, Tobi was reflecting on all the stuff he has, and he has decided to give a number of things away. (Mom is saying "Praise God!") We'll work on that after school this week.

Baby Moses

Last week a hospital called the ministry and asked us to come and pick up a baby. The baby's mother died of AIDS complications in June. The relations were not too happy about having to care for her sickly baby. In fact, it even appears that they had basically stopped feeding the eight-month-old boy. He is quite emaciated and has bed sores and a flat place on his head from lying down constantly. They were waiting for him to die like his mother, but they said he kept refusing to die!

Esther, the matron of Bezer Home, went to the hospital to pick up the baby. She gladly welcomed that sickly, love-starved baby into her arms. When she brought him to Bezer Home, all of the children swarmed around him. His eyes roved from face to face, completely unaccustomed to all this attention.

I asked Esther what she named him, and she said, "Moses." How appropriate. Now I jokingly refer to her as Pharoah's daughter or Princess of the Nile.

Does the baby have HIV? We don't know. Does it matter? No. Every child needs to be loved no matter what their circumstances.

Fat and Fresh

I knew it was coming and I'm not really sensitive about my weight, but I still cringe a bit when someone tells me how fat I'm looking upon returning from a journey. I just smile and say thank you because they genuinely mean it as a compliment.

The other expected compliment is "you look fresh," generally meaning well-rested. The only thing that really got to me this time was when people would link the two comments: You are so fat. I can tell you really rested! Well, to me fat has absolutely nothing to do with being rested. It's really easy to get fat in America. I'm afraid my rest quotient was in the negative numbers though.

In general Nigerians like to have some surplus flesh on their bones, but not to the point of obesity. I believe it literally means that you have enough money to eat well and take care of yourself. I get a kick out of it when someone tells me: "You're really adding weight. I can tell that your husband is taking good care of you."

Overall, I have to admit that Nigerians have a pretty healthy attitude towards body image and weight. It's been good for me to be part of this culture and to absorb some of these attitudes. I get right in the swing of things and tell people how fat they're looking after a vacation. I love seeing their faces light up after that compliment. Thankfully I didn't have any cultural confusion on this point in America. Somehow I don't think my American friends would have appreciated the 'compliment.'

Thinking Like a Nigerian

My Grandma had major heart surgery in Rochester, MN in June. My mom, dad, aunt and uncle were at the hospital before, during, and after the surgery. But within a day or two, they started to go to their respective homes (about 1.5 hours away and about 6 hours away). I was horrified. I said, "But who's going to stay with Grandma?!"

My mom gently explained that what they were doing was acceptable. They didn't need to be with her 24/7. And moreover, my Grandma really didn't need constant company if she was going to get adequate rest. I understood what she was saying, but I still felt a twinge of guilt that someone wasn't sitting with Grandma.

In this area of my thinking, I have become very Nigerian. If you are hospitalized in Nigeria, you have to bring someone to take care of you--especially for your feeding and your bathing. It is just expected that a family member is always present. In general, there are a lot of people around who are not necessarily working and can take the time to be in the hospital with a patient.

In a similar vein, as I was making various presentations this past summer, I occasionally noticed that I was using some Nigerian terminology, and I couldn't think of how to express that thought in American English. For example, I would mention that the MF youth ministry trains youth on computers, and then they are able to get a small job with those skills. "Small job" didn't sound right in the U.S. At least I didn't say "small-small job" which would have been very obviously Nigerian. As I'm thinking about it now, I could have said, "Youth are able to get part-time or entry-level jobs with these computer skills."

I can tell I've been here a long time!

Promptings

A few weeks ago I made a journey to my hometown, Amboy, MN, for the burial of my aunt's ashes. (Aunt Brenda died in Dec. 07.) It was an opportunity to see my cousin and meet his children (ages 14 & 10) for the first time. It was also a time to see my Grandma as she was just recovering from heart surgery.

As I was nearing Amboy, I remembered my high school friend Jeri as I passed her former residence. I was only going to be in town from 8 p.m. on Friday til noon on Saturday, but I thought I would see if we could get together for a few minutes.

I called her from the road.

"Hi Jeri, This is Mary Beth. How are you?"

"Not very well. My mom just went into hospice today."

Wow. Now I knew that I really needed to see her. I got the boys settled at my Grandma's house with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and his children, and then I took off for the nursing home in Mapleton, 11 miles away.

Being with Jeri at this time brought back memories from 22 years ago when her dad was dying right at the end of our senior year. A few of us got permission from our parents and principal to drive into Mankato to be with Jeri in the hospital at that time.

There were a couple of relatives and friends in the hospice area. Jeri's mom was already in an unconscious state. After awhile I asked them if it would be o.k. for me to pray with them and their mom. I just put my hands on Jeri and her mom and prayed for her mom.

I was at the cemetery when I called Jeri the next morning. She said her mom had passed away shortly after midnight. She was just 64 years old. My sympathy goes out to the Cox children who have now lost both of their parents.

I thank God for the prompting to call Jeri. I hadn't had any idea that her mom was ill, much less terminal. It was a blessing to be with Jeri at this significant moment in her life, especially as I am usually so remote from the happenings in the lives of my high school classmates.

Jet Lag

Missionaries here have always said that they feel the jet lag more on one end of the journey than the other, but I hadn't consciously remembered which end it was. Now I know: it's flying from West to East, i.e. against the day.

Last Wednesday, August 5th, was the first day of school for the boys. I set an alarm for 7 a.m., but it didn't go off. I suddenly woke up at 7:45, and shouted, "We're late!" Bayo said, "Don't worry, that clock is fast." Ten minutes fast was not going to help us much that morning. It was a real bear pulling the boys out of bed. Their bodies were telling them: It's 2 a.m.!

Each day has been a bit easier. I don't allow any naps because that would only make the situation worse. It's best just to try to get used to the new day. Tobi has really struggled with falling asleep. He's often awake in bed until about 11:30 p.m. Tonight I think he slept by 10 p.m. so we're gradually making progress.

Jet lag going the other way (Nigeria to the U.S.) is almost non-existent because we are gaining hours. We just stay up until it's time for bed. Within two days we're usually feeling pretty good.

Reunion

It was great to be reunited with Bayo & Lily after two months of separation. Lily literally flew into our arms when we arrived. Bayo is just happy to have his family all back together so that life can be more normal for all of us.

Bayo had come to Abuja on Friday because he had to do some work there before we arrived on Sunday night. I'm sure it wasn't easy having a 3-year-old tagging along, but I'm glad he brought her so she could have an experience outside of Jos this summer. And now she can talk about "going to Abuja."

When Lily would start to tell me something, she would often preface it with, "Auntie..." then realize her mistake and say, "Mummy..." She did that because she has been around her "aunties" all summer. David, age 5, got on her case right away about the correct pronunciation of "Mommy." Nigerians speak British English so "Mummy" is correct to them.

While we were driving back to Jos, Lily asked me if today was Sunday. I told her that Sunday would be in 6 days. She said she wanted us to go swimming on Sunday. It made me smile that she remembered what our schedule had been like shortly before we traveled. During the month of May we went swimming almost every Sunday afternoon.

As I was unpacking, Lily was my assistant. I would set something out and tell her which room to put it in. She would gladly run and do it and come back for more. I love a 3-year-old's enthusiasm for helping Mommy.

If we get some sunshine this next Sunday afternoon, we just might be at the pool!

Transition

Well, we are finally all back together in our home. We left my parents' home on Friday and arrived at our home on Monday. It was roughly 72 hours of traveling. The three flights were not even up to 18 hours, but there was just a lot of wait time throughout the journey.

Transitioning back in always takes awhile. The kids slept in the car from Abuja to Jos, but once we arrived home, we didn't allow them to sleep because we wanted them to sleep well tonight. Well, it's now about 2 a.m. and we're all up. Bayo is trying to get the boys back to sleep. I think I even heard Lily's voice recently. I guess she's getting into this transition too. I decided that I'd rather work on my blog than try to get back to sleep.

Tobi finds transitions to be quite hard. It's interesting to me that he has been able to articulate why he's feeling sad. Today was a dark, cloudy day with a heavy rain in the morning and another one in the afternoon. Tobi said, "I wish we could come back to Nigeria when it's the dry season instead of the rainy season because I don't like this darkness." The sun often does come out in the rainy season, but today was just exceptionally rainy.

We did not have electricity when we arrived at our home. Welcome back to reality. I was ready to go and buy petrol so we could run our generator just to make the house seem warm and alive, but thankfully the electricity came on about 15 min after we got home. Over the past decade I have often brought lamps from the U.S. so our home can have a homey glow rather than just the stark light from the flourescent tubes. Here's a little-known secret: I can plug a 110 lamp directly into my 220 socket after putting a 220 light bulb in it. So I turned on lamps in all the rooms that we were using. That helped Tobi.

He also recognized his need for a friend. Right after we ate lunch, he went in search of a neighbor on our compound. They played Risk all afternoon. Later in the evening Tobi said, "When I started playing with my friend, I felt better." He continued: "I'm SO glad school is starting on Wednesday." Tobi is a decent student, but school for him is all about his friendships.

By the time we ate supper about 6 p.m., we did not have electricity so the home was dark. Right after we finished eating, I herded all of us outside to enjoy the last few moments of daylight.

I finished our unpacking today, but not the putting away, so I guess that really doesn't count. I still have a long way to go.

Hopefully within a week we'll feel like we've been here all along, and life will resume its normal rhythms.